By: Kelly Williams and Bill Cumming
Two incidents within the past few weeks have illuminated once again the real solutions to violence and damage in our world. And yet, questions remain: did we hear and see the solutions within the incidents? Do we understand the implications for our own lives and are we willing and ready to learn from these in service of a healthy planet? This month, we reflect on these two incidents and explore the implications of grace under fire.
Imagine being held hostage at gunpoint. Imagine the gunman sexually assaulting you and the others over a period of several hours. Imaging the others being your friends, acquaintances. And, imagine in the midst of this horrific experience getting a text message from your family asking, “R u OK?”
What should you say?
How would you response?
We can only hope that we might respond the same way that Emily Keyes did last month,
when she, and five other girls, were taken hostage at their school in Bailey, Colorado. For them, this wasn’t a hypothetical experience to imagine. They were, in fact, held at gunpoint and molested by the gunman. They experienced violence and damage first hand.
And during this horrific experience, John-Michael Keyes, Emily’s father, while standing outside the school waiting for news with others, and knowing full well that his daughter was locked in the classroom with the gunman, asked for assistance in sending her a text message from his cell phone…something he knew was possible, but had never done before. With assistance, he sent the “R u OK?” message to his daughter.
Moments later, Emily responded. Her message, “I love U guys.”
This was the last communication her family received. Emily was killed by the gunman several hours later.
Of all the possible responses Emily could have sent back to her dad (no…help…I’m scared), she chose, “I love U guys” and it is this choice that gives us chills and brings tears to our eyes. To be so grounded, in such a shaky, frightening, uncertain and horrific circumstance, well, it is a powerful reminder of the power of love and how each of us has a choice with our words, our thoughts, our actions, in every single minute…even minutes spent at gunpoint.
If asked, and if facing the same exact circumstances that Emily faced, how might you have responded?
What about when people, in the course of general conversation, ask if you are ok or how are you doing? How do you choose to respond? It takes the meaning of “fine” to an entirely different level.
The next day, part of the explanation for Emily’s groundedness became apparent when her father spoke about his concern for the Sheriff and his well-being, wanting people to be sure that he knew that he and his team had done their best and that they were loved and appreciated. No remarks about poor procedure or comments that begin, “if only.” Simple human dignity, concern and loving-kindness.
So how does someone know to send love instead of communicating terror and fear, knowing that the communication will do nothing to solve the problem? She knows it from her experience.
We, as a nation, understand violence and damage. It comes from violence and damage. Outcasts, unresolved damage, unforgiven incidents in childhood, all possible sources. We contribute to the problem every time we act as if we don’t know what to do.
A second incident involving a small Amish one-room schoolhouse followed right on the heels of Emily and her classmates ordeal. The gunman in this case dismissed the adults and male members of the class, lining the remaining girls, aged 6 to 13, up against the blackboard, shooting them all. Five are dead, five in various conditions from guarded to critical. Reportedly, one child has twenty-three gunshot wounds.
While in the most wrenching part of the grieving process, these families were as, if not more, concerned about the well-being of the wife and family of Charles Robert, IV, the man who killed and injured their children.
In a television interview, Ann Curry of the “Today” program asked members of the Amish community how that was possible. “With God’s help. Please do not think of the man who did this as evil. Pray for the gunman’s family.”
The gunman’s family could have been ostracized (as has been done before) or simply forgotten, but this community chose to see them as themselves – victims, like their own children, in a tragic event and worthy of love, support and forgiveness.
This simple distinction carries with it the essence of grace, dignity and loving-kindness as well as the solution to violence in our society forever.
· We must separate who people are from their actions and remember that actions are evil and not people.
· We must love all people, regardless of their actions.
· We must remember that how we respond in crisis will be determined by how we act today, in this minute.
· And, we must continually look to see if what we are doing now or how we are doing it is contributing dignity, grace and loving-kindness to those involved and connected to us.
We were in an administrative staff meeting with one of our clients, a school district, when the word of these shootings came through the internet. There is a one-room schoolhouse in this district, very much like the school in Pennsylvania. Notions of security, things that we could do, should do, ran rampant through this meeting and more than likely through every school district, workplace and household across our country that day. And yet, there is no way to “secure” ourselves. No amount of alarms, locks, guns or cameras will have any impact whatsoever on the root causes of this kind of damage. What will, is the kind of groundedness exhibited by Emily Keyes, her family and the Amish community in Pennsylvania.
The models given to us by these spectacular individuals and their families, if we allow their messages in, will stop the hand wringing about what is to be done in this country and the world in order to bring about peace. There are children, parents, staff and people to be loved, nurtured and cared for.
We restore the holiness of the world through our loving-kindness and compassion.
Every act of loving-kindness,
no matter how great or small,
repairs the world.
My Grandfather’s Blessings
Rachel Remen, M.D.
