By: Mary-Sue Hayden

I’m not sure what motivates, or really influences populations in other countries. There are probably countries that have a calmer approach to life, they run at a slower pace, they breathe. But here, in the United States, and in the 21st Century, we just seem to run. Our pace is fast, we look for others to blame when things go wrong regarding the choices we make – believe that’s called not taking responsibility – and we need instant gratification for almost everything in our lives. We need a quick fix; we need to know what’s coming next. All one has to do is walk into a bookstore, read the headlines of the magazines in the checkout line, or turn on the television to know what we, as a society, value and where our interests rest. We need for someone else to tell us how to look better, how much to weigh, how to perfect our relationships, how to have perfect children, and how to attain inner peace! We take little time to reflect personally and think of ourselves. Rather we hope our answers will come from Dr. Phil, Oprah, Ron Luce (works with conservative evangelical youth), and the latest craze – the book, The Secret.

We, without much thought, turn our hearts and minds over to someone else because, I think, it’s just easier. By doing this – taking the word and advice of another, we blatantly hand over our ability to think for ourselves and make our own choices. We take the word of a television personality or book author, and put our trust in the hope that if we do just what “they” say, life will be better because “they” have the answer. The danger here, I believe, is that if we follow the advice and things don’t turn out as we feel they should, we have failed – not the person who advised, but us, we failed, we just didn’t believe hard enough or do “it” right. Nowhere in the advice I’ve heard given is there much emphasis on one’s own choice.

Now, I do believe that the advice of celebrities/professionals and book authors is given with good intention, but as celebrity increases, so increases their need to be absolute, and the giving of “the word” comes with a camera crew and often these words, “After the break, I’m going to tell you exactly what you should do.”

We have turned our hearts, thoughts, and spirits to someone actually unknown to us, and we are certainly unknown to them.

I am a teacher. Several years ago, I took a course called “What One Person Can Do.” I must admit that my reasons for participating in this class weren’t entirely pure, and I certainly didn’t think I could, should, or would, need to examine myself, or that any of “this” could apply to my personal life – my professional life, yes; personal – no. The leader of the class was Bill Cumming, who I had seen in action several years before as our school district’s motivational, first-day-of-school, speaker. What I remember of him was his overalls, carrying around several folding chairs (to symbolize all that we had to “carry” around as educators [I think]), and that he was funny. I like funny, he held my attention. Re-entry into his space was often uncomfortable, extremely thought provoking, but ultimately life changing and he still wore his overalls!

If one weren’t careful, and somewhat unknowing, one might lump Bill in with the other gurus (he hates that term!). He could be considered one of those, “I’ve got the answer for you” people. But, if you pay attention and self reflect – my, what a difference – both in content and result.

So I began this class with probably a roll of my eyes and a sigh from my mouth, as here I was in another staff development class that I would have to endure sponsored by our school district. But, what’s twelve weeks? It would give me three hours of credit and the assurance of being that much closer to another step on the pay scale! But surprise, surprise, Bill was different. I grew eager for each Thursday to come, because that was class night. Absolutely, Bill has a point of view! He has some very basic principles. Some are: none of us are powerless – we can do, we must be truthful, each person can contribute in some way, every person is worthy of our love, respect, and to receive dignity – yes, every person, we must take responsibility for our own actions, do our best, and take care of ourselves. The last one for me is hard. Not to be claiming the martyr role, but as a wife, mother, grandmother and teacher, I often let my well being, especially spiritually and mentally, come last. When I finally got that I couldn’t do any of these other things well unless I did self-care, it all came together for me. Sometimes I forget, or make choices that get me too busy, but boy, it doesn’t take me long to know why my day is headed down the tubes when I realize I’ve forgotten about me.

You could ask, well how is Bill Cumming any different from any of the other self-helpers? It’s very simple. In all Bill says, he never says, “I have the answer for you.” What he does say is, “The answer lies within each of us.” Each of us has a choice about almost every single thing that happens in our lives. Exceptions could be illness and death, but we do have some choices even in those as to how we want them to go. Sometimes things happen to us, and we didn’t get an opportunity to vote, but we always have a vote regarding our response.

In my classroom when I turned over my children’s learning to them and took on the role of facilitator, our classroom changed to a much more exciting place to spend our days. There’s nothing as hypnotic as knowing you have choices, but also knowing that the responsibility for these choices is ours and that goes for children as well as adults.

I can’t say that my daily life is 100% on this track 100% of the time. I can say that I want it to be. Bill just lives this daily, it’s his being, but he’s been living this way for a long time. I’m still a work in progress. I have to admit, I slide back into my old ways from time to time, but I now know that I can make a better choice, and I can recognize when my life is out of focus and adjust. Bill says, “You’re either part of the problem or part of the solution.” It’s such a powerful place to be when you chose to be part of the solution. When you can start each day with love in your heart for yourself and others, when you really get that taking out time for yourself makes all the difference, and when you look at others with a different set of eyes, it is then that you have truly learned what one person can do.