Reflections by Kathy Robison following the shootings at Virginia Tech
As I sit to write this essay, I am hopeful of my ability to write it in a way that honors everyone that reads it and the feelings they currently hold. My intent is to compel your heart to look for, acknowledge, or at least remotely consider that there may be a lesson for us in these seemingly senseless acts of violence (West Virginia, Amish School House, 9/11, Columbine). I believe there is a huge lesson and the sooner we can learn from it, the sooner these types of tragedies can cede.
I think many of us (myself included) get so caught up in our lives that we forget to reach out to each other and to take care of each other. In our lack of time to do it ourselves we have naively turned to a “system” to try and fill in the gaps. Though noble, absolutely, a system can’t possibly show the love and compassion that you and I can show.
When I read headlines like, “How Did the System Lose Track of a Killer” and “How Could This Happen?” my response is…on our current trajectory, it would be impossible for this not to happen. I am convinced that this type of violence happens when children do not feel loved and do not feel that they are a part of something bigger. To me it is very simple. Our desire to rely on a “system” to notice kids feeling this way and separate them from the rest of society so they don’t hurt others or themselves seems like only a half-baked idea.
What kind of effect do you think it had on this young man to know his teacher demanded that he be removed from the class, or the few days he spent in an institution? Do you think that made him feel more loved and wanted or less? When this child hated himself so much that he wanted to destroy others, did we make it worse or make it better?
I know it seems strange to show infinite love and kindness to a person who exhibits only what appears to be evil, but I am convinced that this would have been the only solution that would have worked. He was clearly asking for help through his actions and his writings. I am certain that people really thought they were helping him and I commend them for trying to the best of their abilities, but all it would have taken is love and inclusion. This is not to blame the family, the school, the teachers, the classmates, but it is for all of us to take responsibility for and consider a new perspective.
Many religions teach, and I think the universe is trying to teach us, that when we can find a way to give love, kindness, and compassion in the face of great amounts of fear and anxiety then we can break the cycle.
Remember after the Amish Schoolhouse shooting, when the Amish people included the gunman’s family in their community healing. There was such power in that simple act. I know many were astonished and didn’t know if they could do such a thing, but I think many of us knew in our hearts that it was undoubtedly the best human response. Remember after 9/11, how the outpouring of love and compassion for the victims and their families brought an entire nation of 300 million people together. People were driving 2,500 miles just to help hand out food and water to the workers at ground zero. People gave millions of dollars to help provide for surviving families. People all over the country were talking to each other whether they knew each other or not, we all just felt closer. At that time in our country’s history, there wasn’t anything that we could not have accomplished because our sense of connection and responsibility toward one another was heightened. I really do think that is the key.
When we find ourselves in a situation where we feel a connection then we behave in such beautiful ways toward each other. Unfortunately, at this point in our society/culture, it takes a tragedy for us to make that connection. I firmly believe that when we can make that connection on an everyday basis, then we will have progressed our society up the enlightment curve in a major way. This will take a significant shift in the way that we think and the way that we feel, which I believe we are on the verge of doing. Is it going to happen tomorrow? No. Is there momentum building that entails a new way of thinking? Yes.
When we can sustain that connection among our own society, I think the school shootings will stop. Then we can find our connection to other religions, other nations, and other cultures and the 9/11’s can stop, the wars can stop, the dying of hunger and preventable disease can stop. All it takes is dusting off that connecting link between us (which has always existed, just not used) and giving/receiving love, kindness, and compassion.
Look, I am a parent too, and I am not certain that I could take this stance or this approach if one of my children were just murdered in their college classroom. If someone directly affected can give forgiveness, and send only love and kindness despite their loss they will create infinite amounts of magic and healing energy. Because of where they are coming from the amount of healing and connection they can provide is exponentially greater than an indirectly affected person such as myself. From my place as a fellow American and fellow human, however, I can provide enough forgiveness, kindness, and love for me and for some who simply and understandably cannot get there. Its about stepping in and filling the gaps for each other so that as a society we can move forward together no matter where we are in the process as individuals. The giving must be unconditional and must be for and about everyone without an ounce of judgment.
Today you can start to be a part of the solution. When you find yourself angry at someone, dig a little deeper into your feelings. Think about it from their point of view. What would you do in their shoes; where are they coming from? If they are acting out of hurt and anger then send them love, let them know they have a friend no matter what. You can turn the harmful energy into helpful energy simply by sending love, kindness, and compassion regardless of the circumstance. Most of the time we tend to reserve those acts and thoughts only in response to someone else’s kindness and love or something they do that we approve of. The reality is that that’s not when they need our love; they need it the most when they are struggling and least likely to show kindness themselves. Another way to be a part of the solution is to find your own happiness, which gives you infinitely more for you to share with others. Reach out to a stranger and simply say, “Hello.” There are so many ways and so many things that we can all do. If you will tune into your heart with the intention to make kinder connections then your heart will show you the way. It will be the things that make your heart sing. When you find it, don’t ever stop doing it.
We are the ones alive at this turning point in history, so we are the ones responsible for making the changes. The generations before us never saw such tragedy, and if we do our job, the generations behind us will not either. I believe that there is a reason that we are people chosen to live at this time. The reason is that we are the people who are strong enough to take on the challenge and change the direction of the wave. It may at some level feel strange to provide love and kindness in the face of perceived evil, but I think we all know deep down in our hearts that it is not evil, just souls that never learned how to give love or receive it. They are no different than you and I; we just had people to show us how to feel love.
I know many are asking this week, if it is supposed to be this way, our children killing our children. The answer is NO, it is not supposed to be this way and we are the answer to creating a world in which this simply cannot happen. It is not up to a system, or more laws, or more sterile mental institutions, it is simply up to us to…
“Be the change you want for the world.”
— Gandhi
