What I discovered in that maximum security prison in Somers, Connecticut was that the capacity for all things resides within each person. The indomitable will of a Nelson Mandela and the perseverance of Christopher and Dana Reeves are within you. The grace and dignity of a Mother Theresa is within you! The person reading these words, you! Not “someone” else. This capacity is within all people!
And the use of the word capacity is critical. This is not about “talent” or “potential.” It is that, as human beings, we arrived with a “main frame” capacity for all things. Think of it as a computer full of wiring and capacitors before any programming is installed. Babies arrive with it.
How is it I am so sure we all have the capacity to lead meaningful, productive, contributory lives? There are three things I would ask you to consider. Given all of our scientific research and theological writings, there are two primary theories regarding how human beings came to be. Those who believe each theory are absolutely convinced they are right and absolutely sure those with any other notion are wrong. It matters little.
According to people of Christian and Jewish faith, the Story of Creation allows that God created the world and then Adam and Eve and from there on evolved the whole human race. After the existence of Adam and Eve, each time they conceived, it began with two cells, a sperm and an egg combining to create a single cell which developed into another human being. So in a very real sense, according to this tradition, we are related. Literally related, traceable, cell by cell, generation to generation descended from Adam and Eve.
Now, for a moment, consider the Darwinian theory of evolution. According to this theory, once you go back from human beings you get to all the other mammals, then on to birds, amphibians and then on to smaller creatures, finally arriving at the single celled creature, the Amoeba. So we originated with a single cell and have evolved over time and mutation to human beings as we know them.
The next time you go to the grocery store, take a very careful look at your relatives. Using either of the most adopted and believed stories of the origins of our beginnings and existence, you and I are literally related. With the exception of those with an additional gene or chromosome or catastrophic biochemical imbalance (less than 1% of all people), you and I are related and share the same capacities. Again, think of the guts of a computer before any programming is installed. The capacity, depending on the programming is identical.
One more issue from the scientific community gives even more weight to the notion that we share identical capacities. Twelve years ago a Scottish scientist cloned a sheep using a single adult cell. Each cell of every creature contains the DNA for the entire being even while each cell is unique. They say that to print the explanation of the DNA of any cell would require six or seven volumes of encyclopedic size.
When human skin is cut deeply enough, it bleeds. Whether stitches are required or not, the skin heals by the blood touching the two separated pieces of skin and then forms new skin. Look at any scar you have and you will be able to detect the newer, born from blood skin. In periodontal procedures, a form can be put against a piece of human jawbone that is worn down from infection, it fills with blood and if conditions are optimal, the blood forms new bone which attaches to the old. How does the blood know how to grow skin in one place and bone in another? It came wired that way. Its capacity to do that was passed down generation to generation.
So the capacity for loving-kindness and the capacity to kill are passed down generation to generation to all of us. The question becomes, what gets watered, what gets nurtured, encouraged and rewarded? Do some people arrive with a genetic predisposition which makes them statistically more likely to have problems with drugs or alcohol? Of course. And what are the chances that I and my relatives from Scotland would love Scotch whiskey and have such a predisposition? And what about our Irish brothers and sisters love of Irish whiskey?
The question is, given our generic capacities and regardless of acculturated issues, what kind of a life am I going to create for myself? What will I decide is important? What will be the purpose of my life? What contribution do I intend to make while I am here?
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of man (and woman) as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.
Helen Keller
So the question becomes, do we want to engage in the “daring adventure” of life? We all possess “The Power Within,” the only question is access. It is not that some have possibility and others not. Are there advantages for some? You bet? Money could be an advantage to some, a detriment to others, depending on the “groundedness” of those who control it. The grand-daughter of one of the most powerful men in the United States told of being regularly abused by him in the library of the patriarchal home. High expectations make some things easier for those of privilege. For others it is pressure. Child abuse is not restricted to an economic class. In every case it depends on whether the adults in a child’s life are “grounded.”
What I mean by grounded is that they have a solid sense of their value and worth in the world. They are loving, kind and generous. They treat all people with dignity, respect and grace. They are clear about why they are here, how they want to be and what they intend to do. Only people who are grounded in this way can create the possibility for others to be so. What “transfers” is experience, not ideas or words. The two ingredients necessary are absolute loving-kindness and the realization that in every second there is a choice.
At some point each of us develops a context about our lives. At a very basic level, we either decide we are valuable and matter or that we are useless and don’t matter. There is no telling what can produce that decision. Perhaps hearing your parents discuss wishing you had never been born. Certainly, physical sexual or mental abuse are likely to produce a negative context. It could be the loss of a significant adult. It could be simply being treated as if you were furniture.
Breaking the cycle of an “I Don’t Matter” context requires the unconditional love of another human being and the experience of producing tangible results that the individual knows they created. Communicating to another that we know that every person, at their very core, wants to love, be loved, that their lives count for something and that they are powerful enough to choose can be a life altering experience.
People who wish to have a positive personal influence on others must possess two specific characteristics, unconditional loving-kindness and consistent personal disciple. If people perceive that we are consistent, keep our agreements and follow through, they are much more likely to know that we mean it when we say, “I love you!”
One of my favorite examples of this process of “worth transfer” was an eigth grade teacher who had had the same youngster for two years and had been unable to reach this clearly, “I don’t matter,” youngster. Going to the well one more time, she went home and brought two flower pot presentations as a gift for this young man. One was a beautiful, prize- winning African Violet, which she had raised. The other was an old cracked clay pot which she filled with gravel and into which she stuck a dead stick. At school, she asked the young man which pot he preferred, which one he liked better. “The beautiful one,” he responded. “Well,” she said, “You may have it if you can see that your life can be just like these two pots, either beautiful, healthy and well-cared-for, or lifeless and of use to no-one. I will show you how to care for this plant and you will have to promise to take care of it and yourself, otherwise, I give up. I have done everything I can to get through to you and I don’t know anything else to say. I care about you, your life and how it turns out. No matter what I say or do, it will be you that decides to create a valuable life.” Over a period of three months, this youngster, with constant reminders of choice about lessons, how the hour or day turns out is up to you, turned it around.
The only tyrant I accept in the world is the “still small voice within.”
Mahatma Gandhi
