(Editor’s Note: While Peter Blyth is reporting about his experience with the work he is doing in the United Kingdom, I believe it is extremely important to “hear” what he is saying about what he has discovered in relationship to his own life. BC)
A Portrayal of Working in a Troubled Housing Estate in the UK
When I first had the “What One Person Can Do” conversation, little did I know that a few weeks later I would actually be traveling from a nice warm country of my now homeland, Spain, to my old area where I used to be the community policeman ,Wick Little Hampton Sussex England.
As a young child I realized somehow that maybe I was a little different from the norm in that I was a sensitive little boy who needed love and kindness all of the time. While all children need this, I was lucky enough to receive it from my parents, although I did not think that at the time. I spent time trying to assist others to be as happy, even though I wasn’t happy myself. That seems quite mad doesn’t it, but actually it’s a good way of explaining how I felt on the outside and also on the hidden inside. We start off our wonderful journeys in life with the same beginnings, someone cuts the cord and off we go!!!.
As children, many of us have little experience in seeing that we have choices. But as we develop into adults, if we are very lucky, we meet people like Bill Cumming, Michael Neill, and the likes of Richard Bandler, who can show some of us a different path. My own journey began when I met a therapist named Bryan Mc Hugh, (sadly no longer with us), who showed me that I did matter and I was capable of
improving myself, so, as an adult, off to college I went.
Long before that, however …
The last time I studied was at junior school aged 11. When I moved to comprehensive school, it all started to go wrong. I was placed in the lowest group educationally, and for things such as English studies, we went on walks in the country. I was badly bullied so I hardly ever went after that, and left school at the age of 16, without any qualifications, to become an apprentice electrician. Following that, I joined the police force and served for 25 years, including working some of the worst housing estates in the UK, as a community policeman in the core of it.
Although I had not had an education to write home about, what I did experience was how to survive around painful situations and people who were as I know now in severe pain themselves (such as the bullies). Every experience I have seen or been part of was, and always will be a learning opportunity for me. The harder I am knocked down, the better I stand up again.
I have been hurt…very hurt by people’s attitudes in my life and it is only through the recent conversations with Bill, after all these years that it has clicked into place that other peoples bad behaviour is due to their internal pain, and them not being happy within themselves.
So returning to Wick has been and is continuing to be a challenging, inspirational journey of exploration into both my own soul and the people who I meet every hour of the day.
In talking to two families on the estate, it is apparent that the “one person” conversation, is relevant to them and others I come across, the homeless, the addicts, the angry parent, yes and even the so called well and happy people, because one thing I have now realized is that a lot of the “happy people” are actually are not happy at all, they are simply acting that way.
With permission I can say that one of my conversations is involving a person who has for the past 30 years or more, been discriminated against because of her colour. She has also had for many years up to recent times an alcoholic husband and father to her children, as well as an alcoholic and abusive father. She has adapted a coping mechanism for dealing with this difficult lifestyle, and unfortunately reacts to all challenges to her children and herself with aggression, sometimes including violent behaviour.
Allowing her 100% loving kindness and value as person (one person), I have seen already, in less than two weeks a significant change in her attitude towards her surroundings and her children. Her children are also taking part in the conversation work and I have seen a significant change in their patterns of behaviour and attitudes. There is less shouting within the family, less arguing, happier smiles around each other and a new peaceful environment.
One of the most useful parts of our conversation so far is has been about the cause, react, choice and effect process. After we had a conversation about her choices regarding bad behaviour towards her, and how she reacts to the aggressor, the light went on. One of the things I was taught as a policeman was that you can start off nice and get nasty so to speak, but you cannot do this the other way around. (Probably the thing that stopped me from ever being hit in 25 yrs on duty.) The children have started this to mum and the results so far are amazing.
Sometimes the structure of the conversation has to be adapted to this difficult estate, but that is okay as its not set in stone and every one is unique and understands things in a different way. I find stories about my police work and training help explain some of the concepts of the work. When we first started the conversations in the family home, it was like the underground station on a busy afternoon, so many people coming and going in the house, being rescued by her, in a loving way, but really causing unrest and confusion within the family. After making the choice of not allowing these visitors in her home to interrupt, she found that things really calmed down and became peaceful, with the added advantage of me being able to have some meaningful one to one and group family discussions.
Another aspect of my work, are visits to the breakfast club homeless project, where some long term alcoholics go for breakfast. Again, giving 100% loving kindness and sharing conversations I have found that even the longest member of the drinking club (pardon the pun) has actually engaged in the conversation, and I can feel the change in energy from within both of us.
This re-enforces that there is always hope for the present and future.
The interesting thing is that the only ones that are showing little interest so far are the local council and believe it or not the local police, some of whom I have worked with……but hey Rome was not built in a day, was it ???
That’s all for now folks but watch this space for an update.
Peter Blyth
