by Bill Cumming

According to the statistics there are one billion Valentine’s Day cards sent each year on Valentine’s Day. Those cards are generally in celebration of “romantic love” and sentimental feelings. Not bad and I am not sure it is exactly the gift the world needs right at this moment.

Before we get to far along with this conversation, I would like to propose a different definition of “real love,” one created by the author of “Real Love,” Dr. Greg Baer.
“Real Love is unconditionally caring about the happiness of another person,” according to Greg. If we extrapolate that notion out a bit, I suggest that it includes the following:

Wanting for that person, any person, every person that they have sufficient food and are not suffering from persistent malnutrition.
That they (and their family) have shelter and a dry secure place to sleep tonight.

The preceding are about the basic needs a person needs to have to even consider the possibility of happiness. If you have no food, your life is about where that next morsel will come from. If you do not have a roof over your head that you can count on, shelter becomes your primary concern.

Once the basics are covered, then we can progress to a place where quality of life can be discussed. My way of describing this is:

To experience that you can create for yourself a life of value and purpose according to your own values and have the tools necessary to achieve this life.
To know that someone cares deeply about your existence and that your value and worth in the world are a given, simply because you are alive and breathing.

Currently, a conservative estimate from noted social scientist Jeffery Sachs estimates that fully a third of our global population DO NOT experience these four things and many more do not experience even the first two consistently.

That means that two billion people are tonight going to be unsure of either food or shelter, or both, let alone the notion that they can create lives of value and purpose. That is what makes the way we use words and behave so critical if we really intend to solve these problems.

Romantic love is about sentiment, attraction and dependency:

“You light up my life.”
“You are the sunshine of my life.”
“You fill up my senses.”
“You’re hot tonight”

The list is endless and has nothing AT ALL to do with wanting well for another human being. If I love you, I want your happiness, even if that means you are not with me.

So here is an outrageous the proposal:

Mean what you say!
Don’t ever say “I love you,” unless you absolutely mean it, meaning that if that person were without food or shelter, you would give it to them with no expectation of return.
You continue to do everything in your power to have that individual experience that their worth and value are a given, a right of being alive and that your love is without conditions, no matter what they do or say.
You never say I love you coupled with another request, such as for attention or sexual favors.
You give up any expectation of ever having sex again, unless it is a pure gift and takes into consideration the possibility of bringing new life into the world and being responsible for nurturing that life forever.
You keep saying it and finding ways to back up your words with actions and money until there are no people who do not have food or shelter on a regular basis on the planet.

Imagine.